According to Stats SA most marriages last less than 10 years and the number of civil marriages is consistently declining. More women are also reportedly initiating divorce than men in South Africa. This is due to several reasons, but Simon Dippenaar of Simon Dippenaar and Associates says women are less willing to accept unhappy relationships than men.
COMMON REASONS FOR DIVORCE
"Women are more aware of the emotional health of their marriages than men. Men hold the misconception that they will do poorly in court, the cards are stacked against them in terms of finances and child custody' he says.
Communication breakdown in a relationship has seen 70 percent of marriages crumble. Abuse is a close second for reasons to divorce. The abuse ranges from domestic violence to verbal, emotional, psychological and financial.
POWER DYNAMICS
Even though more women are financially independent, in South Africa, stats show that the husband is still usually the breadwinner while the wife earns substantially less or is a stay-at-home parent. The effects of this power imbalance is often felt early in the marriage when one partner has already accumulated substantial wealth prior tying the knot.
CONSIDER VAT 'N SIT
Living together before getting married is a positive factor in marriages that tend to last. "Cohabiting before enables couples to vet one another's compatibility, allowing them the opportunity to leave the relationship before marriage. if they are not well suited,' Simon reasons.
In 2019, black African couples had the greatest number of divorces in comparison to other race groups, this pattern has been the same for the ten-year period (2010 to 2019). The median age at the time of divorce in 2019 was 45 years for males and 41 years for females.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
Few couples consider marriage counselling before heading to the courts. Simon says it's quite helpful to seek professional help before ending things with your spouse because it will provide couples with some skills to work things out.
Such skills include enhanced communication skills, how to fight fair or argue in a healthy manner, how to resolve conflict in a productive manner, how to negotiate and compromise, and how to appropriately express and resolve painful emotions.
"Seeking marriage counselling prior to divorce eliminates the doubt concerning whether divorce is the most appropriate option. Even if counselling does not result in preserving the relationship, the skills developed in counselling can be applied to other personal or romantic relationships,' he concludes.
